Bacation

We have been busy!! We went to the beach yesterday and today we went to the zoo in Erie, Pa. I am tired but the babies are not. We still have two of them awake. My eyes are getting tired but I wanted to write because I didn't yesterday.
Tonight we went to a Festival of Praise night out in the boonies. Our Voices of Mercy were singing so we went to see our brother and sister missionaries. My hubby saved an old lady's life. She had choked on a piece of cake and passed out. Her heart stopped, her breathing stopped. But he knew what to do, being a nurse and all. People were praying as he worked on her and she came to. Thank God!!
My kids were pretty impressed with their dad. I was too.
All in a day's work for him, but it was good for the kids to see what a hero their dad is.
What an adventure though! We still have a week and a half of adventures! What does God have in store for us next?
I'll let you know!

Steubie Part One

Steubenville was awesome!!! I had such a great time with my girls and the kids in our group. I went not expecting to get anything out of it because I was really there for the teens. But you can't help but be touched by the speakers.
The best thing about the weekend........Fr.Stan Fortuna!!!! He was the best! I could sit at his feet and listen to him forever. He is entertaining and wise and you just can't help but love him so very much. He is a gift from God. He prayed over one of my daughters and I just feel so blessed by him. He is totally amazing! I came back with such a new attitude about my life,about God and my friendships. I appreciate things so much more!
There was a speaker on Sunday that spoke just to the girls and she talked alot about friendships and gossip and it was geared to the teens but I got a lot out of it myself. She talked about honesty and openness in relationships and how the devil tries to divide people. I really took some things she said to heart and I am going to be making changes in my own life.
I realized that I needed to be more open and honest with my friend that I have been struggling with and I don't know exactly how I am going to do that. I am praying for guidance. There is also someone in my life that I need to make ammends with and I will be doing that as well.
So much happened and I have more to write but I have to go to bed because the hubby is on vacation and we are taking the kids to the beach tomorrow.
Just a thought... You can't judge what is going on in someone's life or mind. even the strong ones can crumble and cry like a baby. We all have hurts and we need to love each other no matter what.
As my kids would say....Peace Out!

I Need a Laptop

It is hot! Too hot! I hate when it is this hot. This would be the week that I would be getting two girls and myself ready to go away for the weekend. Plus I have to make sure that the hubby has enough clothes for himself and the other children.
I am not going to write too long tonight because I want to get up early tomorrow and get a bunch of things done. Plus I am looking forward to my air conditioned bedroom! I just hope that the baby sleeps well tonight.
I wish I had a laptop. I love in the movie The Perfect Man when she sits on the outside ledge and writes at night. I would love to do that. Of course the night owl in me loves that image. This is better than writing in a journal because you never know if someone is going to read what you wrote or not. You are taking a chance. Then again, who really needs to read the rantings and ravings of an over the hill mom.
Of course I don't feel so over the hill. I still see myself as a 24 year old. I don't think of myself as old. Of course I don't get dressed like a 24 year old because I think older women who try to dress like a young person are gross. Maybe I would feel differently if my body still looked like it did at 24. After nine kids it ain't even close!! Ha, ha, ha.
Ah well, stuff like that doesn't matter to me anymore. I must be tired though because my thoughts are going all over the place. So I will end the madness and write more tomorrow.
Night, night and kiss, kiss.

Beam Me Up Scotty

Pretty busy day today. Slept in and then had some things to do for the mission.
Right now my big dilemma is trying to discern who should be my spiritual director. There are two priests that I have in mind and they are probably one end of the spectrum to the other. One priest is very gentle, soft spoken, very upbeat. The other is sometimes rude, and very direct. I know that I will probably learn more from the latter, but I am so emotional and sensitive, the former is more my style. I am going to try to get to adoration tomorrow and discuss this with the Lord. That is top on my list of things to do.
Okay, so while I was messing around on the computer earlier today I found a blog that supposedly is written by Madonna. I am trying to figure out if it is real or not. She is weird enough to actually have something like this. I used to love her music so much. In the eighties I loved all of her music. It was like the counteract of my life in my twenties.
But now I am totally turned off by her because she is so blatantly blasphemous. The other day in my doctor's office I was leafing through a magazine and I saw her spread out like she was on a cross with a thorn of crowns on her head. What a mockery of what my dearest Lord went through. How He must weep when He sees her do things like that. He is so good and so merciful that I just know He mourns for her rather than condemn her, but God is God. He will have the last word. I hope her last words are, have mercy on me, a sinner.
I just don't understand these things. Like a line of clothing called Imitation of Christ. They took a holy book and made a clothing line out of it. Why? You couldn't do this with anything else, but Catholicism is an open target.
It makes me sad and angry all at the same time. And I fear for my children who are going to have to live in this world where people hang all over the latest words of wisdom from the likes of Madonna and Tom Cruise. Just two examples of people who believe in so called "religions" that aren't even real. How can we take anything serious from Tom Cruise who is a scientologist who is waiting for the mother ship to come and beam him home. He isn't even smart enough to realize that he is following a "religion" that is based on a really bad piece of science fiction.
Too bad ole L. Ron Hubbard himself can't come back and tell Tommy boy the way things really are. But as a wise old lady told a liberal priest once: "Father, You don't believe in satan or hell? Well, you will when you get there!!"

Made It Through

So I made it through Saturday. It went pretty well and I remained emotionally unattached yet very nice to our guest. Won't have to deal with that until next year!
Okay. I am doing some spiritual housecleaning. The hubby has been thinking about making sure he really schedules his prayer time and I agree with him. I need to do the same for me too. We made the decision to homeschool all but the seventh grader and the two high school girls. Which means I will be teaching a sixth grader, fourth grader, third grader and first grader. Plus I will have a three year old and a one year old. I am a little scared about this big responsibility. I will be talking it out here because again, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone. I tried talking to the hubby about it today, but I just got a lecture about how scary things can be good and not talk to myself in a negative way about it, blah, blah, blah. I just wanted to vent because again, I am the one taking on a huge responsibility. Once again, it is my life that will change. It is like when we have a new baby, his life does not change. But mine has changed with each child. I have had to sacrifice a lot more than him, but I have to listen all the time about how he doesn't have time to do things.
And he gets the awards. I get nada as a stay at home, give up everything mom. I love my family and I adore my children. Don't get me wrong. I am so glad that I have the opportunity to stay home and take care of them. I get to watch everything and just love them like crazy and no award in the world would make up for that.
I just don't feel like I have any one to talk to about things. Like this new venture into homeschooling. I would love to be able to talk to my husband about it and just have him support me and uplift me without telling me what I am doing wrong. He's not a bad person, he just doesn't know how to communicate. Or maybe really listen. That is why my soul longs for a motherly type person in my life. Someone to tell me how much I can do this, tell me about my strengths, tell me it is okay to be scared and not give me a lecture about being scared.
I am hoping that just writing this for myself will help me. Maybe I will try and concentrate on the Blessed Mother more for guidance.
Anyway, I am excited about homeschooling and I think the kids are gonna love it too. I have a lot to do this week to get ready for schooling. Things to be ordered and stuff like that. Plus I have to get ready for the teen conference in Steubenville that I am chaperoning a group of girls for. I am excited about that. Catholic teens have great spirit when they are together. It is inspirational.
Good night to all out there. Busy day tomorrow. God bless.

I Would Like To Thank The Academy

Went to a Bison's game tonight. We have great memories with our kids each summer over the Friday Night bash. After the game they have fire works on Friday nights and on cold winter nights my children ask about next summer. "Will we go to the Friday night bash this summer, mom?" Of course the answer is yes. And then we all have something to look forward to as we look out a snowy window. My kids are like me. Hibernators in the fall and winter. We are popcorn eating, movie watching, computer playing, sometimes reading, people. But in the summer time...... we play hard. The hubby has two weeks off coming up and we will have a new adventure every day. The kids and I can't wait.
Tomorrow we will have company. The friend I wrote about yesterday. She is making her token appearance at our house. The hubby and I really are not looking forward to it. Which makes me kind of sad because I remember a time when her visits were like mini celebrations. Hubby and I would fight over who was going to cook for her. But once you see through a person, you just can't go back.
So tomorrow will be pretend time. We will welcome her and we will be charming, kind and loving. Then she will leave and we will heave a big sigh of relief that we won't have to fake it until next year.
But isn't that so sad. I wish we had a rewind button so we could see where things went wrong and fix them. But we can't. So Meryl Streep move over. The best acting job will be happening in my home tomorrow! And the academy award goes to............

Friendship

So I have been wondering all day about fake friendships. I have a friendship with someone that I think is really fake. She spends all of her time with other people but claims to love being with me. I just want to stop pretending. If you don't particularly care for me, then just move on. Why fake it? I hate being patronized! To me actions speak louder than words. You can say you value someone's friendship but you have to put time into it.
It is hard to talk about these things with my husband. Guys just don't get it. I just think that women have this inner thing where we long for close relationships with our friends. Maybe I am messed up because I have always longed for a close relationship with my mom and she is just too weird for that. So my husband thinks I should just deal with it and get on with life. Which is a guy thing. I can't help the longing in my heart. I envy women who have intimate relationships with their moms. You know, cup of tea, heart to heart talks. I keep praying that God will send me someone like that. So far He hasn't.
Anyway, this friend who disappointed me made it seem like she was the mother I had been looking for. But it has been such a huge disappointment to me. I really loved her as if she was my mother, but I felt more rejection from her than I did my own mother.
I have to put this behind me and just keep praying that God will send me the real deal.
Let me just say that writing about it has been very theraputic for me. I like the idea that this will be floating around out there, and maybe someone will read this and maybe no one will but who cares. The possibilities are fun to think about.

Random Thoughts

Again it has been so long since I was able to write. It is not easy when you have nine children to find the time to write.
Tonight I took my two daughters, fourteen and sixteen to see "The Devil Wears Prada". It was good but not the best that I have seen. We mainly went to see it because we are huge Anne Hathaway Fans. She was wonderful as usual and so beautiful!! All in all it was a very enjoyable evening with my two girls. They were so happy to have alone time with mom and I loved it too.
Next weekend my girls and I are headed for a teen weekend at Fransiscan University in Steubenville. I went two years ago and I loved it. Of course I will be missing my other kids but it is good to let all my kids know how much I love them. Plus it is a really spiritual weekend and I love sharing it with my kids.
I am working on my own spiritual life. Trying hard to organize my life so that I can really do all the prayer time that I am supposed to do as a missionary. Plus I just love spending as much time as I can in prayer. It helps me to stay focused and I start to really trust in God and I stop worrying. He has a plan and I have to just lean on Him!!
So many people in my life that need prayer right now. I crawl into bed and just start rattling off names. Right now though I am starting to get angry with my daughters because it is almost one o'clock in the morning and all I hear is a ton of noise coming from their room.
Okay, went up to settle it. The nine year old is dancing around and then look shocked when I tell her to go to bed!!
I am done for tonight but hope to get started up to write again. Can't make any promises though. My life is crazy and I think it is going to get even more so!
That is for the next entry.